"Only ignorance! Only ignorance! Don't you know it is the worst thing in the world, next to wickedness?" -- from Black Beauty, Anna Sewell
I was only 10 years old when Holly came into my life. My parents knew nothing about horses, and I didn't know much either. Because of this, Holly suffered in our early years together, with incomplete farrier and veterinary care, sometimes moldy and dusty food, sometimes not enough food, water or vitamins, not proper saddle or bit fit, and a terrible rider and handler who didn't understand her language (that would be me).
Over the years I learned that I was doing many things wrong, and that I was inadvertently treating Holly inhumanely through my ignorance. Like Anna Sewell wrote in the classic, Black Beauty, ignorance truly is the worst thing in the world, second only to purposeful cruelty. I began to deliver to Holly's physical needs through proper horse care, and her mental needs through the techniques I was learning from Cindy.
For my 13th birthday, I received Miss B, as I still didn't trust Holly enough to ride her. By then, I knew how to look after a horse, by providing all of the care necessary for optimum health, but I was still learning how to cater to a horse's needs on a mental level. When I first got her, and honestly up until this year, I saw Miss B as a machine, sort of like a motorcycle I could hop on and go for a as long or strenuous a spin as I wanted. I ripped her away from Holly, her only companion that understood her, and took her for long rides. Soon she became very anxious when she was separated from Holly, avoided being caught at all costs, and when I did ride her, tried everything to end it as soon as possible, including bucking and bolting. Eventually I stopped riding her except for when there was a group trail ride. This made things even worse because the trail rides were 12 km long, and Holly couldn't come with us. Miss B was not fit at all, and incredibly attached to Holly, her only friend, as I didn't do anything for her. The first ride, she tolerated it, but the last ride I had on her, in May, she began flipping her head non stop, jigging, and double barrel kicking at any horse behind her from the stress. It was only then that I realized that I had to rethink the way I was treating her. I'm a terrible person for allowing things to progress that far downhill.
It's now 8 months later, and Miss B finally allows herself to be caught, and she eventually calms down after some lunging, and gentle, calm handling. However, bring a saddle and/or bridle into the equation and she immediately gets extremely stressed out. Again, through ignorance, I have mentally traumatized Miss B, turning her from a safe riding horse, into a frazzled victim of my own stupidity.
I cannot take back my mistakes, and I can't just write them off by saying, "Well, I didn't know any better." I can only work through the effects of my ignorance, and they run deep. Holly can't be tied, she doesn't know how to stand for saddling or grooming, and I can't trust her not to do anything silly while I rider her. Miss B gets extremely stressed when inside and tied, and when she thinks I'm about to ride her, it's obvious that she becomes very anxious and upset. Through putting their needs as horses above mine (wanting to ride, no matter what the cost, etc.) I hope to let them know I can be trusted not to take advantage of them again, and then maybe, they will become the willing partners I've always wanted.
I was only 10 years old when Holly came into my life. My parents knew nothing about horses, and I didn't know much either. Because of this, Holly suffered in our early years together, with incomplete farrier and veterinary care, sometimes moldy and dusty food, sometimes not enough food, water or vitamins, not proper saddle or bit fit, and a terrible rider and handler who didn't understand her language (that would be me).
Over the years I learned that I was doing many things wrong, and that I was inadvertently treating Holly inhumanely through my ignorance. Like Anna Sewell wrote in the classic, Black Beauty, ignorance truly is the worst thing in the world, second only to purposeful cruelty. I began to deliver to Holly's physical needs through proper horse care, and her mental needs through the techniques I was learning from Cindy.
For my 13th birthday, I received Miss B, as I still didn't trust Holly enough to ride her. By then, I knew how to look after a horse, by providing all of the care necessary for optimum health, but I was still learning how to cater to a horse's needs on a mental level. When I first got her, and honestly up until this year, I saw Miss B as a machine, sort of like a motorcycle I could hop on and go for a as long or strenuous a spin as I wanted. I ripped her away from Holly, her only companion that understood her, and took her for long rides. Soon she became very anxious when she was separated from Holly, avoided being caught at all costs, and when I did ride her, tried everything to end it as soon as possible, including bucking and bolting. Eventually I stopped riding her except for when there was a group trail ride. This made things even worse because the trail rides were 12 km long, and Holly couldn't come with us. Miss B was not fit at all, and incredibly attached to Holly, her only friend, as I didn't do anything for her. The first ride, she tolerated it, but the last ride I had on her, in May, she began flipping her head non stop, jigging, and double barrel kicking at any horse behind her from the stress. It was only then that I realized that I had to rethink the way I was treating her. I'm a terrible person for allowing things to progress that far downhill.
It's now 8 months later, and Miss B finally allows herself to be caught, and she eventually calms down after some lunging, and gentle, calm handling. However, bring a saddle and/or bridle into the equation and she immediately gets extremely stressed out. Again, through ignorance, I have mentally traumatized Miss B, turning her from a safe riding horse, into a frazzled victim of my own stupidity.
I cannot take back my mistakes, and I can't just write them off by saying, "Well, I didn't know any better." I can only work through the effects of my ignorance, and they run deep. Holly can't be tied, she doesn't know how to stand for saddling or grooming, and I can't trust her not to do anything silly while I rider her. Miss B gets extremely stressed when inside and tied, and when she thinks I'm about to ride her, it's obvious that she becomes very anxious and upset. Through putting their needs as horses above mine (wanting to ride, no matter what the cost, etc.) I hope to let them know I can be trusted not to take advantage of them again, and then maybe, they will become the willing partners I've always wanted.
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| My beautiful girls, how I wish I could take back all the injustices I've done you. You deserve someone better than I. |
